I saw Jesus.

Being rational and a skeptic perhaps lead to my own embarrassment.  When it comes to the supernatural, I am quick to understand the existence of energy or energies in the multiverse.  Each and everything exists of energy and how that energy is conducting itself.

This helped me understand Moses and the burning bush that did not get consumed.  Also, why Jesus felt energy drain from Him when the woman touched the seam of His robe.  

How I came to see Jesus?

I will tell you of the last series of events first.  It was after my family and I had been separated from our daughter and we had lost everything and we became homeless at the hand of pastors and elders at the church.  The pastors and elders maintained adamantly that Jesus was the son of God but not God.  Malnourished over a prolonged period, with heart problems, hypertension and exposure to the elements had taken its toll on top of severe trauma on average every three months between 1998 and 2009, I really started questioning my faith when it were African animists, atheists, Buddhists, Hindus and Muslims who had eased our burden slightly.  We were battle weary at the hands of Christians who had done extremely bad things to us and others.  Eventually, what remained of my family had to be treated for severe post-traumatic stress even though PTSD never was diagnosed.   It means that the stress was real but reaction to it did not become a disorder.

During late 2007, I asked Jesus to reveal Himself to me.  Who was He if not God; was He just a son and a prophet, reduced and demoted to mere humanhood as the pastors and elders had implied?  Already, the reformed church in which I had grown up, officially taught that God consisted of three persons each with a unique personality and will.  I needed sanity and, to protect myself against further abuse, withdrew into a life of almost total solitude. It was then that I saw Him standing there, very real, yet I lack vocabulary to say what it looked He was made of. It happened a few times and then it was over. 

During that period, I then started digging into the Bible after asking Him for scripture as proof. He first led me to a verses indicating that He and the Father are One.  There are various Bible verses that confirm this.  Already in Isaiah 9:6-7, the very last verses He had given me, He is called both Son and Everlasting Father.

God is spirit.  He does not need a spirit other than Himself.  His attributes are called the Spirit of God.  I am not a healthy man and writing here is energy-sapping.  Therefore I post this on a blog but do not want to argue.  I am not here to force you into a direction or argue.  I know what I know and you are entitled to see it differently, but please do not come, brandishing a sword as you will be locked out forever from my life.  I have to preserve my energies for the few diamonds among all the hay in the church.

The first time I saw Jesus, was the day when I died.  I was on medical leave because I had a threatening cardiac ischemia with blood pressure something like 200/160 and a resting pulse somewhere above 125.   One day, I heard two muffled sounds and the next moment I was in this tunnel that was so wide that one's arms could stretch into eternity and never reach the sides. At the same time, it was narrow and it remains confusing.  There was Light on the other side and, as I was about to exit, I saw Jesus in a spiritual sense and shouted: "It is unfair, Jesus it is not my time!"

The next moment, I was back in my body where I had fallen in the bathroom.  My wife was doing CPR and she said that I was "gone for a while."  Afterwards, we found that I had suffered a heart attack and light stroke more or less simultaneously. 

A third time, I saw Him partially and it had shocked me that I became mute for two weeks, then could only greet for another months or so, before I could start telling my wife and children what had transpired.  What I saw, was an iron rod about ten inches long and 2 x 2 cm, with a slightly tapered yet blunt, flat point.  I saw a primitive hammer being used, to drive it into this hand that was about a foot from my eyes.  I saw the fingers contract with pain, I felt the pain and the suffering but it only lasted a few seconds, surely nothing more than half a minute.  That was in 2001 or early 2002, I think, and I can only say that talking about even now is very, very hard to do.

Because of how my own body reacts while I am writing here, I had postponed this many times, but there is someone needing to read this today, so I am working through the trauma.   All I can say is that every such episode had a profound impact upon my life and especially how my understanding of God had been moving further and further away from what mainstream Christianity teaches.  The worship the Unknown God (to them) but is it my job to do the honors to introduce them?

Do with this information as you deem fit.